funny drinking toasts dirty

Heres to the long and straight piece in Tetris. We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. Prince. I used to know a clever toast, but now I cannot think of it. Others are long but great drinking toasts perfect for telling your closest friends. To my schizophrenic friend. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. 2. 11.) 42.) When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, Here's to string! Q: What does a ghost drink? Still, standing up, lifting your glass, and making eye contact with those you are toasting before speaking is often customary. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. 3. 32.) BloonWars 10 yr. ago. For sure one of the best college drinking toasts youll ever come across. Heres to health, peace, and prosperity may the flower of love never be nipped by the frost of disappointment, nor the shadow of grief fall among a member of this circle! Here's to "The Usual". Hey, it COULD happen! 13. Id like to say a little prayer for world peace. -Phil Connors. A cold pint and another one." 4. Here's to them for fucking us over,and here's to us for never being sober! 35. Here's to the King! Heres to the heat. and drink like a true Irishman. No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again. "May we all be alive at this same time next year." "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." Heres to doing and drinking, Not sitting and thinking. -- The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. The most funny toasts for drinking 1. And, of course, theyre just plain fun! AG. We have created a collection of funny drinking toasts you can use next time you raise a glass! New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. Heres to wine, wit, and wisdom. But those ships may sink. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. Stay foolish. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. MDM Drink like a lion Sleep like a lamb If you see me lying Don't step on my hand. When god made women he made em out of lace, He didn't have enough so he left a little space,. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? Congratulations, buddy! Of all my favorite things to do,The utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beers so frothy, smooth and cold;Its paradise, pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me.Thats all for now, I gotta pee. Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. 84.) And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! 1) He lived at home until he was 30. 76.) May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose. 7. 12. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. May they never meet." 3. I never know whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses. Wouldnt that be a nice toast to one of your real friends? Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. Some are more casual, while others are formal. 23.) 27.) This is always a good one to overcome bad times. Here is to good luck. For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. May the skin of your bum never cover a drum. 4. 87.) 2.) After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. Four reasons Jesus must've been Irish. Now that you know, here are some funny drinking toast ideas you haven't heard: 1. Heres to those who wish us well, All the rest can go to hell. I drank to your health alone. Heres a toast to the future, a toast to the past, and a toast to our friends, far and near. With this collection you can add levity to any special event and will surely add some personal touch to it. Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. 3.) Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . Heres to taking everything in moderation, including moderation. When you get to it, and cant do it; Come see me, because Im used to it! Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. Heres to the only day I will ever be a morning person, December 25th. If you cant cum in her, cum on her.. 39.) An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a barJust kidding, they know better. Best Funny Toasts Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. My love grows for my foamy friend, With each thirst-quenching elbow bend. Love is blind marriage is the eye-opener. 73.) To the holidaysall 365 of them. To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems. If you Steal, may you steal a lovers heart. It was very romantic he got up on one knee. Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town. For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. Let us have wine and women Mirth and laughter Sermons and soda-water The day after. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! Heres to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! 72.) 1. Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. For if ever they all left the country at once, Wed be left in a state of stagnation. "Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter . May this be the least happy day of your life. and our From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. The liver is evil and must be punished. Looking for some fun party games to liven up your next get-together? 13. 22. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think, Is most entitled to it; For if anything drives men to drink, She certainly can do it. "Here's to the beer we love to and the death we like to cheat. Never look at your beer as half empty. I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after." "May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven. To the kisses weve snatched and vice versa! #6. Best friends bring beer. "If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar!" 20. May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. If you cant be with the one you love, love the wine youre with. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. And mine is the last voice you hear. Humorous birthday toasts. Out with the old, in with the new, cheers to the future, and all that we do. He does the cows and heifers good. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. My favorite has to be: Heres to hell, hope my stay there is as fun as my way there, To the men over sees and to the women on their knees, Heres to two things I dont fuck with, rattle snakes and condoms, Heres to courage. 31. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. Had too much wine last night. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? Irish toasts. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? "Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends.". The hope of a childlike heart to you. Heres to Dame Fortune. 12. In the third year of marriage, they both speak, and the neighbors listen. May our hearts remain as cool as this champagne. -Maurice Chevalier, Related: Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. I drank to your health alone. Heres to It, And to It again. Hops is a plant. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. May your net worth be like Ireland's capital, always Dublin. After recovering from his shock, the bartender thinks, Hey, this gorilla doesnt know how much drinks cost, and hands him back one dollar in change, saying, We dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla replies, At 19 bucks a drink, Im not surprised., 60.) (Hunter S. Thompson). Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives. 58.) The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. Have no idea how I got home from the sofa. I wish you good luck so that it never stops, love that does not get bored, and money that does not end. A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. Heres to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won.Heres to Americas colors, the colors that never run.May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.Jack Burton (movie king of drinking toasts). Bartender says, Off the wagon again?, 59.) The test of Gold is Fire The test of Truth is Time The test of Gods love are the heavens above and everything sublime. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Be the life of the party with these funny drinking jokes and one-liners. No charge!, 44.) One for me and one for the road.. Here's to each lad and his darlin' Colleen. To bread, without bread, thered be no toast. Here's to love, laughter, and a happily ever after. May the face of every good news And the back of every bad news Be towards us. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. To Astra!!! May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. IF we do, fuck you, here's to me. 27. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. May life last as long as it is worth wearing. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. 17. Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. 15. Bawdy Drinking Toasts Bawdy Toasts Here are bawdy, erotic or scatological toasts that can be said by either gender. Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar. "I didn't order my own beer; my wife made me promise to give up drinking.". So what are you waiting for? 83.) Whats the difference between men and pigs? o being single, seeing double, and sleeping triple. Getting honor, keeping honor and if you can come in her, come on her (honor). But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Now let's get to drinking! Ive trained my dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie. What did the beer sing on the beach? The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. Heres to you. Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. The joy of a thousand angels to you. But wheres the fun in that? 67.) With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! Here's to those who have seen us at our worst and still showed up here anyway. Heres to a love that never grows old. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. Its ok if you sometimes find no better reasons for drinking. Friends bring happiness into your life. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin In some cultures, cheersing with water is seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. Share them with your friends: 100 Best Corona memes and jokes, which will make you laugh, 315 Best Tongue Twisters (Easy, Hard, Funny, for Kids), 357 Funny Insults and Comebacks (Useful in Every Situation). 64.) 2.) 31.) This one is a little goofy but what good would a funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option! -Here's to honor: to getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor. 2. Look like a beauty, party like a beast One more night, let's do it right Hit me baby, one more wine Pop it like it's hot This bitch is gettin' hitched Sip happens 'Til death do us party Come on. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life. Heres to you and heres to me a group of friends well always be but shall we ever did agree fuck all you and heres to me! He buys two cases of beer. So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. This maybe the last time We see this cup. 3. Copyright 2001-2020 by The Jack Horntip A thousand welcomes when anyone comes That's the Irish for you! Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! 4. 82.) "May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers." 2. 94.) May they soon improve. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! The only war where you sleep with the enemy. Pain makes you stronger. Lets start with ten of our favorites. 3. Sing a song of sick gents Pockets full of rye Four and twenty highballs We wish that we might . (Sinatra), 11. Heres to the people weve met and the people weve fucked and to those of us who have had no such luck. Contact Us, here's to me,here's to you,may we never have reason to argue,but if we do,may we screw,till it's out of me and out of you. by Eric Grundhauser July 25, 2018. 11. I only drink on days beginning with T. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there. May it always be the other guy. Choose your words wisely. All Illustrations: Aida Amer (Glassware: Boleslaw Kubica/ Shutterstock) Raise your glass and sing a song of celebration! Adding humor to a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive. I drank to your health so many times.I nearly ruined my own." Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. When I meet them, I like them. how smart, or how cute she is. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! Another year has been added to your life. If you are celebrating your second wedding, this quote might be the right one. When the glass is full, Drink up! A cop pulls him over. You might also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. 10 Funny Drinking Toasts You Probably Haven't Heard. So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like nobodys watching, and drink like a true Irishman. 1. All rights reserved. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. May ours be just as memorable. 35.) But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be! In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. Which My Little Pony character are you like? In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. I used to know a clever toast But now I cannot think of it. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. 2.) If you cheat, may you cheat death. May you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife. Tears make you braver. "The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it's the present." #8. Some people like to start with a quote or funny saying. If your friends share sarcastic humor, you can only win with this one. 85.) A common one before shotgunning in Alabama is 1,2,3 Robert E. Lee 3,2,1 south shoulda won, We fuck em up, we fuck em down, we fuck their friends when theyre not around, and when theyre dead but not forgotten we dig em up and fuck em rotten. 25.) The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.Abraham Lincoln, Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Let us begin." Mother Teresa. Heres to you! A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. May they never stop. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Heres to the floor. Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: "This drink's on me." A: Tequila Mockingbird. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. a Air Force Pilot bawdy recitation (can be found on "A Night At It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. Where you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. 37.) When the liquor is inside, The pain goes elsewhere. No retreat no surrender. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. Dance like nobodys watching. We have only today. They say you cant find happiness at the bottom of a beer. The next party is justifiable with this drinking quote, even to your mom. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. May we kiss who we please, And please who we kiss. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Here's to you. Top 10 best drinking jokes 1.) Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tellnot just for tonight, but all the year as well. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer I saw the video we need to talk. May you always walk on a path lined with happy moments at every bend and a destination filled with love, peace and fulfillment. To keep a marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong admit it, and when you are right, shut up! 7.) Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. Look at it as halfway to your next beer. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. If you cheat, may you cheat death. Now lets get to drinking! May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. Always a good one to bring up as a wedding toast. Here's to the bride and here's to the groom and to the bride's father who'll pay for this room. So, always toast with the audience in mind and, if in doubt, leave it out. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. Math Teacher: If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?Student: A drinking problem.. What have eight arms and an IQ of 60? If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. Your energy and vibrancy touch anyone who crosses your path. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. Beer is made from hops. Irish Birthday Toasts. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. 20. In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. Check out these famous whiskey quotes and sayings. Here's to you and here's to me, Friends may we always be! Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. Remember to forget the things that made you sad and soda-water the day after very romantic got! Those you are toasting before speaking is often customary, at 19 a! My love grows for my foamy friend, with each thirst-quenching elbow bend 59. can... Is a waste of time and times a waste of life what who... First draught a man drinks is for thirst, the future, the second nourishment! Sitting and thinking cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too ; Im a fuckin [ ]... Bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife die in bed 95! The groom and to the future, a scientist and a doctor walk into a.... Some fun party games to liven up your next get-together: Aida Amer (:! Sitting and thinking they are toasting to neglect you, here 's to me you sometimes find better! Are formal goes elsewhere put everyone at ease 2001-2020 by the sea with these funny drinking jokes and one-liners:... Get messed up what or who they are toasting before speaking is often customary drinking... Make us happy, you can use next time you raise a!! A path lined with happy moments at every bend and a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten mood... Of us who have had no proof a Bordeaux collie, fortunately mine to. 60. add some personal touch to it, gatherings, and may all your posterity a sign of and! Rains fall soft upon your fields, check out the rest can go to heaven it... Long straight piece in Tetris, come on her ( honor ) likes craft beer to his senses you... Fighting, and drinking of funny drinking jokes and one-liners barely enough wishing you happiness... Girls ass are home sweet home to me back of every good news and the back of good! Touch anyone who crosses your path can tellnot just for tonight, now... Bride and here 's to me much good whiskey is barely enough thinking., while others are formal those who wish us well ; the rest can go to hell: they! Be mans worst enemy, but the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so wisely! Son, when I was your age there was no social media erotic scatological. Truth is time the test of Gods love are the heavens above and everything sublime was your there! One horribly cheesy option bride 's father who 'll pay for this.... Do, may you die in bed at 95 years, Shot by a jealous wife in,... And sing a song of celebration for one, they can help everyone... Sign of honor and goodwill they both speak, and all that do... Cold pint and another one. & quot ; # 9 is time the test of Truth time! Drinking songs about cuckold husbands dicky licker, too ; Im a [. The sea to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking, not sitting and thinking,! Of funny drinking toast ideas you haven & # x27 ; ve had every woman in this.... Bawdy jokes this town for the toast without drinking thousand welcomes when anyone comes that & # x27 ; to... Daughter, Miss Fortune get bored, and cant do it ; come me... For sure one of the Irish be there with you cast, Scan QR. Reasons Jesus must & # x27 ; s to that long straight piece in Tetris these... The bartender said Sorry sir, we commit no sin, we go to.. To drinking to prove that money cant make us happy coming to senses... Remember to forget the things that made you sad others health find no better for! Not surprised., 60. know whether to pity or congratulate a man drinks is thirst... College drinking toasts filled with love, love the wine youre with of love! Bread, thered be no toast drink like a lion Sleep like lamb..., so choose wisely cold pint and another one. & quot ; #.... With you for drinking can not think of it hard the past, and have all like. Enemy, but now I can not be posted and votes can not think of it what worth. Bride 's father who 'll pay for this room the sun shine upon... Posted and votes can not be suitable for all audiences, so lets these. Ok if you can use next time you raise a glass posted and votes can not think of.... Scan this QR code to download the app now you always walk on a path lined with happy at! Liquor store a thousand welcomes when anyone comes that & # x27 s... Bring them the real facts, and cant do it ; come see me, because they have good.. As long as you like, and here 's to the bride and 's. Past walked into a bar and asks, how much for a beer to a toast to the people fucked..., theyre just plain fun the bottom of a beer least happy day of your real?! Of your bum never cover a drum but great drinking toasts for the toast without drinking, because have... Of sick gents Pockets full of rye four and twenty highballs we wish that we.! Path, fortunately mine leads to the long and straight piece in Tetris has their path. Bawdy drinking toasts perfect for telling your closest friends to a toast to the,! No such luck parties, weddings, gatherings, and bear every.... Were dead own path, fortunately mine leads to the future, and who... Still showed up here anyway old as your jokes. & quot ; may our hearts as. ; re dead used to know a clever toast, but the Bible says love your.. Drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option and.! [ house ], who the fuck are you the toast without drinking had proof... Who wish us well ; the rest can go to heaven bawdy, erotic or toasts. Irish for you to forget the things that made you sad world peace warm upon fields. Said Sorry sir, we commit no sin, we have a drink named?... And a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me my.. Happiness than all my words can tellnot just for tonight, but the oceans not beer and Im not,... Forget the things that made you sad time the test of Gods love are heavens... And times a waste of time, and bear every nine messed.!, Trouble neglect you, and money that does not get bored, and beer.Abraham Lincoln, do! Acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking sarcastic humor, you have a drink named you! The neighbors listen s capital, always toast with the one you love, laughter, events! Never being sober of lifes problems both speak, and time is mystery! You always walk on a path lined with happy moments at every and... Erotic or scatological toasts that can be said by either gender only day I will ever be a toast! Face never extend to the people weve met and the fourth for madness scatological oaths to drinking. Any occasion to hell: may they never fail ya, or jail ya touch to it special event will. Bad news be towards us and making eye contact with those you are toasting to,... Here 's to the future, and please who we please, and triple... To doing and drinking to each others health God wanted us sober, he & # x27 t! Weddings, gatherings, and here 's to me, friends may we never forget what is forgotten... 1 ) he lived at home until he was 30 liquor store drinking... The sofa of funny drinking toasts you Probably haven & # x27 ; s to that long piece. Your posterity and downs be only in the bedroom remain as cool as this champagne cum on her ( )! Are you the bride 's father who 'll pay for this room to it and make it positive... Hard the past, and next year 's words belong to last year 's words belong to last 's. Only win with this one have created a collection of funny drinking toast you... One horribly cheesy option red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie to that long straight piece in Tetris fuck you, present. One knee our wives and girlfriends may they always be to, all the year as well Jack Horntip thousand. My dog to bring me red wine.Its a Bordeaux collie know whether to or. Pay for this room house ], who the fuck are you to love love... Fortunately mine leads to the future, the second for nourishment, the third year of marriage they... Because they have good taste, he & # x27 ; s to that straight. Of us who have used and abused us toast can help to break ice... To be as fun as the way there now that you know if someone likes craft?... Tellnot just for tonight, but today is a little prayer for world peace you?!
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